In Kafka In The Castle, I fill in the ‘missing’ diary entries from Kafka’s real diary. He either did not fill in these days himself, or he destroyed them. There are some estimates that Kafka destroyed 70% – 80% of everything he wrote.
03 January 1917
I still have fantasies about the Swiss girl – although not the type one might suppose.
(My father says I already have too many fantasies, and that I deal with them “too long, and too often” – he is certainly right.)
I make a mixture of what I shared with the Swiss girl, and what I imagine we would be like today. This is certainly more fantasy than not, for what would being together have done to us?
Done to her?
But in this tiny house – could she not join me? Be here by the window, as I write this?
But she was so young, and such a girl, where I fear that I was never such a boy.