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KAFKA’S BIRTHDAY!

03 July is Kafka’s birthday. Celebrations are running rampant in the world.

Hearty renditions of “Hip hip hooray” with an exuberant “Huzzah!”, echo through every major city, and each quiet hamlet.

And this year, I will dive (and then delve) into the new book containing all of Kafka’s various drawings. Some are a tad odd.

I have written Franz the following letter (as yet, unanswered).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Present / Your Future

Still in this World

A Life Away

Dear F:

You would find it perverse to be wished a “Happy” birthday, but your response would be gracious. Such is the reality you understand, and how you deal with it. I have found that your reality is actually real.

Although it will give you no pleasure – well, ‘little’ pleasure – you are correct in all your observations.

Governments become the tools of the bureaucracies which run them. It doesn’t matter what type of Government, from the monarchy under which you lived, to the right wing horror of fascists that called themselves socialists, to the inept socialism pretending to be ‘for the people’. All three governments held their sway over the city where you spent your life. All three oppressed the people they ruled. All three looked after themselves first.

Writers are either writers or they aren’t. The urge to write encircles one like a snake around its prey. Feed it and it won’t quite squeeze you to death. You can not ignore it – even at your peril. It is with you every hour of every day, ever inquisitive and (sadly) always looking for something better. You have thrown up your hands to ward off the snake. Sometimes – some few times – it loosens its grip.

Love is a see-saw of extremes. Every high guarantees a low. Every low reaches for a high. Every high reaches for a high. When these hills and valleys are eventually levelled, they are still desired.

Sex is highly over rated. The thing of it is, even rated fairly, ’tis a consummation devoutly to be had. Yes – I know – you appreciate Shakespeare. On a par with Goethe, even if you can’t bring yourself to say the words.

There is no castle with walls thick enough to hide against the perils of being human. Which is why you never tried.

Except the grave, of course.

Except the grave.

Yours,

D

~~~~~~~~~~~

And, in my novel about him, Kafka In The Castle, I gave him this diary entry.

03 July 1918

The anniversary of my birth.

In celebration of the day, I did not make it my last.

It Was A Dark And Stormy Week

All I Want Is $100,000 Up Front – Is That Asking Too Much?

What are they going to do when I get into the finer details?

So – this happened.

I answered the phone yesterday. There was a five second delay which (really) lets you know you are in a queue. Suspicion created.

A garbled voice ( I honestly couldn’t tell if I was experiencing an accent different from mine, or if they were in a large room with lots of speakers – I suspect both at the same time) inquired about my book, using the correct title. Gotta admit, that did catch my attention.

Was I the author?

Yes?

Did I want to sell a lot of books?

Yes.

They could do it!

Then, what I assume was a company name, was mentioned. I never did hear the name distinctly enough to know what it was, though mentioned four or five times. It was never clear what its function would be.

But – you know – they mentioned the title -correctly- a number of times.  And, in all truth, I figure I should be making more money.

So, I asked questions. Not very deep questions, but I should know something.

They seemed to know next-to-nothing about the publishing world. They did concentrate on “promotion”, which would, I readily admit, help.

World-wide promotion. Somehow.

So, knowing that they had a stellar product to sell, I just went to the end result. I would consider their proposals for the up-front price of $100,000. A nice round figure. Easy to remember. I could picture the cheque.

This seemed to confuse them.

A few more entreaties were made. An additional publishing term or two. Alas, it was still all garbled. I pointed out that I could still not fully understand them.

I noted they made no counter-offer (not that it would have done any good). $100,000 SVP.

So, I was told to wait until I could speak with a supervisor.

The supervisor did not seem to have an individual office. Same garble and/or background noise.

How could he help?

$!00.000 please. I was tempted to add (and I’m all yours). But I did not (though surely it was implied).

The call ended.

Since there seemed to be no knowledge of traditional publishing (which is how my book is published) I assume this con is directed to Indie authors. Beware, y’alls.

DE

What Is The First Day Of Spring?

Of course, it is the 21st of March. 

To fuss about with the restrictions of time and space and equatorial crossings is as pointless (and heartless) as using AI whilst writing about the First Day of Spring.


Someone please break into a chorus of “TRADITION”!

DE

What Do We Discover When James Bond Interviews Hamlet?

Q: To be or not to be?
A:  Who asketh the query?
Q: Bond – James Bond.
A: Sound and fury, it seems to me.
Q: They say you’re a talker – is that true?
A: More of a thinker.
Q: Then a doer?
A: I put many acts in play.
Q: The power behind the throne?
A: When the throne is rotten.
Q:  So, do you dither?
A:  Whilst thou hither.
Q: What is your wish?
A: To whisper in your ear.
Q: To tell me what?
A: Fear not, it won’t be poisonous.
Q:  Will it be a secret?
A:  More likely than not.
Q: In my line of work, secrets are Death.
A:  You deal with Kings and Queens?
Q: I’m on Her Majesty’s Secret Service.
A: A double life is a double sword is a double bind.
Q: How do you know that?
A:  I write plays.
Q: And tell the truth?
A: My word is my bond.

DE BA UEL

How Do You Arrange A Day That Includes Brooke Shields And The Longest Game In The World?

It’s easy enough – and takes no planning.

You decide to take a walk in the sunshine in the afternoon, and plan to sit on a park bench. You do have a reasonably simple route, where you make a circuit of your neighbourhood. There are not many park benches, but you aim for one, fifteen minutes away. You sit, but it is not really in the sun, and even if it were your would not really be warm. So, you sit a short time, and continue on your way.

You are in a residential neighbourhood, Placid streets. Upscale houses. Not much traffic (except for one major thoroughfare, where you cross with the help of a pedestrian light. Then you are in a different neighbourhood, and continue on your way.

However, you come to one corner, and realize it is crowded with what appears to be white utility vehicles. There are many folk with armbands, helmets, and Walkie-Talkies. There are folk directing traffic. After turning one corner, the people, vehicles, and mounds of equipment increase. There are also a notable number of onlookers. There are also (quite a surprise) soldiers in uniform. However, there seems to be no alarm, no urgency, and next to no noise.

Upon turning onto another street, it becomes obvious that there is a film being shot in front of a particular house. There has been no attempt to stop pedestrians, so it is difficult to tell who might be there doing a job, and who are there attracted by the situation.What is most unusual of all is how quiet the whole scene is.

I do approach one lady with headset and Walkie-Talkie and clipboard. She is happy to talk. There is a murder mystery being shot for the streamer, Acorn TV. A series called “You’re Killing Me” starring Brooke Shields. I am asked to walk on the other side of the street. I am told to be careful walking through the leaves piled next to the curb, They are hiding the equipment cables. The show is to appear next year.

I did not (as far as I know) see Brooke Shields.

Later that night (to be accurate – very early the next morning), I awoke from sleep. It was around the time of a radio newscast, which I turned on, mainly to see who won the World Series Game. The news about it was that it was still on. So, I turned on the television, and got to watch the last hour of the longest baseball game. I was rooting for the other fellas.

DE UEL

April Fools’ Joke – As Funny As Ever

851150

This is from a few years ago.

I glean through many sources after information of which agent,s and which editors, have purchased recent books that are similar to one of my manuscripts.

When I find someone I think will be compatible to some of my work, I research them. Then, if I think they would have a reasonable interest in my manuscript (and there can be a variety of reasons) I’ll send a query letter.

I prefer to go through this process of finding names a number of times in a row, instead of finding a compatible person, then immediately sending a query. So, when I find a person I plan to contact, I send this information to myself in an email. It can be weeks before I actually send a query to an agent or editor, and then it can be two or more months before I hear a reply.

Last week I came across the information that John le Carré has a new book coming out the end of this year. I adore John le Carré. This announcement unusually named both his agent and editor. I sent both to myself, and I imagine I would get to them in the next two or three weeks.

This morning, April 1st, I had notification of a rejection by an agent for my NATO Thriller. It was a refusal sent through the portal of the agency (which happens more and more). Since it was not an actual response by the agent, I had to go to my Sent file to see who I had sent the query to.

Uh-huh – it was the same agent as John le Carré. So, I actually got rejected before I sent the query.

Well – anyway – that’s how writers think.

(image)cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/39/750×445/851150.jpg

Is This Just A Test?

This is a Test  

But not “the” Test.


If it were a real Test

It would need

An answer


(Or two)

[Or multiple choice]

But It isn’t.  

It is a test

That announces SOMETHING,

Or,

To warn about Something,

Or,

To warn about a WARNING OF SOMETHING.  

A Test basically to say:

*IF* this was a test,

Then get your shit together,

Bend over,

And kiss your ass good-bye.  

THAT IS ALL.

 {It is that type of test}

DE

A Ghost Story – True As True Can Be – To Lead To Halloween

A true story for All Hallows’ Eve, although it did not happen on Halloween.


And, I steal my title from the list of types of encounters with UFOs and Aliens from Space, where actual physical encounters result in injury or death. Admittedly, I experienced nothing but fright, but the touch is without question

.
  I was visiting the Bay of Fundy island of Grand Manan.

 I had booked a room in a bed and breakfast and arrived mid-evening. I went elsewhere for a meal, but did meet the owners, and noted there were a couple of others staying there. I returned around eleven, chatted to the owners and one guest, then went up to bed.

The room was top of the stairs and across a landing. Comfortably rustic with a radio. The bed was fine and I was not long getting to sleep.

  In the dead of the dark (no street lights here) I was awakened by the touch of hands on me. I was sleeping on my left side. One hand was over my groin and the other on my chest. There was also the weight of a body next to me and the pressure of an arm across my side.

I was initially surprised and confused but not frightened. Time probably stretched but it seems to me I lay like this for ten or fifteen seconds. Then, the very first coherent thought which came to me was that someone laying behind me could not have both arms over my body. There could not be two hands placed on the front of my body.

  I got out of bed very quickly and did indeed experience fear. I turned on the overhead light but saw nothing. I heard nothing. The temperature was not unusual. I was frightened and certainly uncomfortable, but I can’t say that that aura was present.

I went to the bathroom across the landing. The house was silent.

I returned to the bedroom, thinking both of leaving the light on and turning on the radio. But then I thought that that was just giving into fear, and might encourage the fear instead of ease it, so I did neither. I did not seem to take very long to get to sleep.  

The next morning I went downstairs for breakfast. I heard the owner talking to two other guests as I approached the kitchen.

Just as I entered she interrupted her conversation and turned to me. She said: “Let’s ask him. He’s the one sleeping in the haunted room.”  

I don’t know if they had been talking about ghosts or if something else had happened in the night. I relayed my experience and the owner then told the story of the house.

As with many buildings on the island it had been a farm house, with the owners also fishing. It was a century or more old and left to a daughter. When she herself got old and could not look after it, her family forced her to leave, something she fought against.

The present owners then bought the building and started taking in guests. However, whenever they attempted renovations, they were discouraged by having paint cans overturned, new wallpaper peeled from the wall, ladders moved, hammers and such hidden.

  The new owners’ daughter lived next door, and looked after the house when her parents went away (trips to Florida in the winter). She inevitably had to come over to the house and close doors, turn off lights, put furniture back in place.  

The old woman who was forced to leave had the reputation of being a mean and unpleasant person. I don’t know if she was taking a liking to me or not.

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