Yesterday morning I had a robot call me and ask inappropriate and intrusive questions about my plans for voting in the upcoming Federal Election. After a few questions, I hung up.
This morning, an early morning call (too early) informed me that whilst I was at innocent slumber between the sheets, someone had made two BIG purchases using my credit card. These two BIG purchases exceeded my limit (which I assumed could not happen in the first place). This time an actual human voice wanted to “assist” me before the charges went through and I ended up paying for everything. I was left in NO doubt I’d end up paying for EVERYTHING. I was in deep shit. Warning as clear as a bell.
But first, the actual human voice wanted some information.
Go and get your card, I was instructed.
No, said I.
You will pay BIG, said he. Get your card and give us your account information.
I did not point out, though I was tempted to do so, that they must already have all my information, since they called me with this DIRE warning. Perhaps, I pondered to myself, they themselves could cancel the card. Wipe out the BIG debt. Chase the perpetrator across hill and, er, dale , and throw them in the clink.
Get your card. Get your card. Give me the numbers.
Then he hung up on me.
I owe my life to Hitler, though I never met the man. My father was paid to stop Hitler, so there is no conflict of interest. I was given a thunk on the back o' the head by God when I was fifteen, and within a week began to write. I haven't stopped. My first novel was accepted 'over the transom'. My first editor/author luncheon in New York included a naked man with roller skates at the next table. For the sake of research I have lain on Kafka's grave, but I did not weep. I wish upon my own gravestone the phrase "Thank God He Didn't Die A Virgin". There is truth in every truth - so watch out.
My published novels include the popular fantasy A Lost Tale and the thriller The Bonner Deception. I also have two editions of humorous and spiritual short stories, The Elephant Talks to God, which are appreciated by both young and old.
My manuscripts range from stories about unicorns and druids in the 'Passing Through Trilogy' to the 9/11 destruction of New York. I have filled in the missing diaries of Franz Kafka; recounted the first person dementia of a serial killer; explored the outrageous lifestyle of the famous; and listened in while an elephant and God converse. I currently switch my attention between the saga of a family of onion farmers, from Fourth century Italy to the present day, and a contemporary NATO thriller.
I live in Canada and make Nova Scotia my home.
I prefer to travel by train, but embrace the computer age with passion. I am always on the hunt for unique onion recipes.
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