~ Kimmy – thanks for having me.
~ I know I extended an invitation, but …
~ And the family.
~ It was just for a visit . . .
~ And my closest sycophants.
~ But that was when you were somebody.
~ We just need a place to stay – for a few years.
~ Melania’s already heading back to Slovenia.
~ Not my darling!
~ She says she has family – real family.
~ Who will iron my shorts?
~ Oh, your job comes with an iron.
~ As door man at our finest hotel.
~ We understand you have hotel experience.
~ I own . . .
~ Owned – all property of our citizens belong to our State.
~ That sounds like Communism.
~ And, as for the kids – they’re leaving with mommy.
~ She’s not their real mummy.
~ Funny – she says you’re not their real daddy.
~ But who’ll be left to listen to my stories?
~ That’s what happens when all your stories are lies.
~ But I’m the most powerful man in the world.
~ Must I be the one to tell you?
~ You’ve been fired.
I owe my life to Hitler, though I never met the man. My father was paid to stop Hitler, so there is no conflict of interest. I was given a thunk on the back o' the head by God when I was fifteen, and within a week began to write. I haven't stopped. My first novel was accepted 'over the transom'. My first editor/author luncheon in New York included a naked man with roller skates at the next table. For the sake of research I have lain on Kafka's grave, but I did not weep. I wish upon my own gravestone the phrase "Thank God He Didn't Die A Virgin". There is truth in every truth - so watch out.
My published novels include the popular fantasy A Lost Tale and the thriller The Bonner Deception. I also have two editions of humorous and spiritual short stories, The Elephant Talks to God, which are appreciated by both young and old.
My manuscripts range from stories about unicorns and druids in the 'Passing Through Trilogy' to the 9/11 destruction of New York. I have filled in the missing diaries of Franz Kafka; recounted the first person dementia of a serial killer; explored the outrageous lifestyle of the famous; and listened in while an elephant and God converse. I currently switch my attention between the saga of a family of onion farmers, from Fourth century Italy to the present day, and a contemporary NATO thriller.
I live in Canada and make Nova Scotia my home.
I prefer to travel by train, but embrace the computer age with passion. I am always on the hunt for unique onion recipes.
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