At least, that is what I was told in two (2) separate phone calls today. From a monotonic voice who berated me for falsly using my Social Insurance Number (yes, SIN), out there somewhere in this great land of ours.
They have been following me – oh, yes they have – and preparing a case to incase me in one of HM Prisons until the flesh rots off my body.
Unless I put my diseased finger on #1 on my phone to connect to an ‘operative’ who will lead me through a series of directions where, I will not only confirm my SIN number, but also provide any number of other pieces of information to prove who I am. The monotonic voice will not, of course, tell me what any of these deep Government directions will be. I have to press #1.
And – oddly – all this time the voice can not tell me what these directions are, it will also not answer any of my questions. It’s as if they couldn’t hear me. Unless I push #1.
And, it appeared, the second phone call was an exact replica of the first. At least the part I listened to.
But my door is locked and chained and my blinds are drawn. Well . . . not really. But you never know who is reading this.
I owe my life to Hitler, though I never met the man. My father was paid to stop Hitler, so there is no conflict of interest. I was given a thunk on the back o' the head by God when I was fifteen, and within a week began to write. I haven't stopped. My first novel was accepted 'over the transom'. My first editor/author luncheon in New York included a naked man with roller skates at the next table. For the sake of research I have lain on Kafka's grave, but I did not weep. I wish upon my own gravestone the phrase "Thank God He Didn't Die A Virgin". There is truth in every truth - so watch out.
My published novels include the popular fantasy A Lost Tale and the thriller The Bonner Deception. I also have two editions of humorous and spiritual short stories, The Elephant Talks to God, which are appreciated by both young and old.
My manuscripts range from stories about unicorns and druids in the 'Passing Through Trilogy' to the 9/11 destruction of New York. I have filled in the missing diaries of Franz Kafka; recounted the first person dementia of a serial killer; explored the outrageous lifestyle of the famous; and listened in while an elephant and God converse. I currently switch my attention between the saga of a family of onion farmers, from Fourth century Italy to the present day, and a contemporary NATO thriller.
I live in Canada and make Nova Scotia my home.
I prefer to travel by train, but embrace the computer age with passion. I am always on the hunt for unique onion recipes.
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