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Jerking Off For Fun And Profit

banana

A look in my Spam folder (which I regularly do) came across this gem. I’ve heard of such things, and gotta say I’m kinda chipper that I actually got one.  I toy with the idea of entitling such a film: “Satisfaction Guaranteed”.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I infected you with a malware (RAT) / (Remote Administration Tool), some time ago and since then, I have been observing your actions.
The malware gave me full access and control over your system, meaning, I can see everything on your screen, turn on your camera or microphone and you won’t even notice about it, yes such things exist, you can google it!
I have also access to all your contacts, I collected everything private from you, pictures, videos, everything!

And I MADE A VIDEO SHOWING BOTH YOU (through your webcam) AND THE VIDEO YOU WERE WATCHING (on the screen) WHILE STATISFYING YOURSELF!

I can send this video to all your contacts (email, social network) and publish all your private stuff everywhere!

You can prevent me from doing this!

To stop me, transfer exactly: 2400$ with the current bitcoin (BTC) price to my bitcoin address.

If you don’t know how to get bitcoin, Google – “How to buy Bitcoin”, it’s very simple for example with credit card.
The wallet you can create here: www.login.blockchain.com/en/#/signup/

My bitcoin adress is: 1HB3KtKoguFuZ4BdmCv9Fc4tYTwDQgmqmW

Copy and paste my adress – it’s (cAsE-sensitive).

You know this all isn’t a joke, you got the proof above!
I think it’s a very good price compared to the damage and hell it can bring into your life!

After receiving the payment, I will delete everything from you and you can life your live in peace like before.
I give you 3 days to get the bitcoins!
Don’t share this email with anyone, this should stay our little secret!

 

(Image)https: //www.martyklein.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/banana.jpg

From Russia With Sex And Blackmail

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At my business email (which has been very good at keeping spam and nut bars away), I received my first threatening message this morning.
All the way from Russia (or, in this day an age – from a mouth-breather in a basement two streets over), some person or bot wants me to fork over lots of bitcoin cash to keep a video compilation of my various naughty sex acts from going viral.
BTW, I’d love to see such a video, being quite proud of my various naughty sex acts.
And, I’m chuffed to be included in some Russian Internet umbrella that can rig an American election, bring down countries, and stop the trains from running all over the globe.
At any rate, here’s the email, uncorrected. Nor did I waste my time inserting [ sic erat scriptum ].  They are obvious.
Apparently the clock is ticking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You shouldn’t do haphazard things
Have  couple of issues to resolve with you Dale Estey, will not take too long, for u to go through and can undoubtedly take ur attention. How would u truly feel if all ur family members or good friends will witness you taking proper care of your self? How will they really feel is the proper dilemma here.

You see  exactly where I am going with this one?  poisoned particular adult internet sites with my malware that steals all info from your system and gets an access to it’s cameras, and lots more. Therefore at this point i have a video of u wanking and a video you wanked to, as well as all your personal contact information.

This is ur job email, which I have found on your personal device btw.

Ok last one, I’ve additionally modified a video to fit on a single tv screen, therefore it will be a lot more relaxing to watch for everybody. Anyway- if u want me to erase all your contact info with the movie, here is my Bitcoin wallet address-  18hytYB5QjjcikiW39GoU2axMQfFYtsLzX

make sure you won’t include no spaces or other symbols. You can easily find the info on the internet on how you can use this payment method if you have no idea how its done. 300 is the total in Usd i require to leave you alone completely.

This mail has undetectable monitoring tool inside and i will know when you’ll open it, and from that minute on, you’ll be given 4 days, to make-up your mind.

I guarantee that each contact from your address book will see this video, in case for some reason i won’t obtain my funds.
U can make contact with your localized authorities or anyone, i doubt that it might help.

(image)eco.imgix.net/uploads/2018/01/cropped-bitcoin-2868704_1920-1.jpg

Telemarketer

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The phone rang too early for decent folk this morning, but that can mean there is a problem, so I tossed off the covers and answered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello?

[jumbled static, tweeps, gurgle, hollow and distant voices]

Hello?

Heelooo. Heelooo.

Hello?

Heelooo. Eeeestay. Is there Eeeestay?

What do you want?

Eeeestay [static and hollow voices in the distance] Eeeestay, danger to your computer. I can save.

You are lying through your teeth. You know nothing about my computer.

Wha… Eeeestay. I can save your computer.

You are lying through your teeth.

Idiot! [abrupt hangup]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All of which put me in mind of a blog  I wrote a couple of years ago of a conversation I had with – possibly – this fellow’s brother

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a degree of sympathy for telemarketers. I spent a couple of months training to work in a call centre.  I was mainly to deal with customer complaints. It was the least offensive such job I could find. But I could just not remember all the stages I was supposed to go through, or keep track of all the various information tabs on my screen. I did not make it through ‘training’.

My modicum of sympathy, and not being totally sure when I first answered that it was a marketing call, made me embark on the following conversation. No, it is not verbatim (I didn’t record it for quality control). And it is condensed. I admit, a certain fascination of just experiencing it, kept me on the line.

To anyone else without a writer’s perversion, do as I say and don’t do as I do.

Hang up.

Telemarketer: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello.”

[long pause]

T: “Hello there.”

M: “Hello.” [another long pause] “Hello. How can I help you?”

T: “Help me?”

M: “Yes. What do you want?”

T: “Are you the Lord?”

M: “The Lord?”

T: “That you can help me.”

M: “Good Lord. What do you want?”

T: “I have the Lord. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

M: “You make your Lord annoyed.”

T: “Ha ha ha ha ha lo lo lo lo lo lo moo moo moo.”

M: “You’re speechless.”

T: Moo moo moo moo maa maa maa.”

M: “You sound drunk.”

T: “I’ll put my dick on your ass.”

M: “What?”

T: “And show it to your wife.”

M: “It would give her a laugh.”

T: “And I’ll do your dog.”

M: “That’s fine. My dog bites.”

T: “Your wife will have a big smile.”

M: “What about my dog?”

T: “Lick a dick.”

[At this point I begin to feel I am as bad as him. I stop.]

T: “Here is dick. Moo moo moo moo. Hello. Where’s the wife?”

[Silence]

T: “Hello Hello. Got my dick out.”

[Silence – though I still wonder where this might go. Then he starts talking to a voice I can’t hear.]

T: “Sorry, Sir.”

T: “It’s a real call.”

T: “The number is … [my correct phone number]

T: “He is [the wrong name]

T: “I am calling [correct city].”

T: “He lives at .”

T: “It is in [correct country]“.

T: “I understand, Sir.”

T: “It is time.”

T: “No, Sir. You don’t have trouble.”

T: “Yes, Sir. I can do that.”

T: “I’ll phone back in fifteen minutes.”

[There are no further phone calls.]

(image) http://www.acarda.com.au/images/cas-mainscreen.gif

The Lewd Word I Will Not Even Use In The Title

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I have often thought that, when an odd jumble of ideas enters your head all at once from different sources, your mind might just explode.

Exposure to the internet is something like that where, in the course of five minutes, you might have extreme information flash past. You do with it what you will.

Conversely, when the same word, phrase or idea comes into your ken from extremely diverse sources in mere minutes, you take note. Such happened to me in a ten minute period a couple of days ago. It was the word ‘cunt’.

This is a word I don’t use and, after a degree of thought, don’t think many (if any) of my characters use. Maybe someone once in five years. I never restrict my characters’ vocabulary.

However, there it appeared. Not only unusually, but from two unusual places.

The first place was in an article about the names of places in London. I might expect a bit of raunch here, but I was taken aback by Gropecunt Lane. Actually, that was a bit of a double whammy, as it is both action and noun. Yet, there it was, complete with provenance and description.

Gropecunt Lane

What is now an incredibly rude name for a street actually served a purpose when it first got its name. Even back in the Middle Ages, plenty of towns and cities had a red-light district, including London. The C word, of course, is a pretty offensive word used to describe female body parts. A name like this implied this was a part of town with many houses of ill-repute. Other towns with this name have since changed it to “Gropecount”, “Grapecount”, “Grape Lane”, and more.

Then within five minutes, as I was reading a sports site to find out why Lionel Messi, the great Barcelona soccer player, had received a four game suspension, I found out he is a bit of a potty mouth.

Enraged by a decision by an official, he said: “la concha de tu madre” which translates as “your mother’s cunt”.

The power of words.

DE

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