Ya know what – I didn’t do it.
Mainly because it was sent to me by faq <plwdvzxfjyvzuicwbjmjqvjnsgquyqnjx@galls.com
What are they going to do when I get into the finer details?
So – this happened.
I answered the phone yesterday. There was a five second delay which (really) lets you know you are in a queue. Suspicion created.
A garbled voice ( I honestly couldn’t tell if I was experiencing an accent different from mine, or if they were in a large room with lots of speakers – I suspect both at the same time) inquired about my book, using the correct title. Gotta admit, that did catch my attention.
Was I the author?
Yes?
Did I want to sell a lot of books?
Yes.
They could do it!
Then, what I assume was a company name, was mentioned. I never did hear the name distinctly enough to know what it was, though mentioned four or five times. It was never clear what its function would be.
But – you know – they mentioned the title -correctly- a number of times. And, in all truth, I figure I should be making more money.
So, I asked questions. Not very deep questions, but I should know something.
They seemed to know next-to-nothing about the publishing world. They did concentrate on “promotion”, which would, I readily admit, help.
World-wide promotion. Somehow.
So, knowing that they had a stellar product to sell, I just went to the end result. I would consider their proposals for the up-front price of $100,000. A nice round figure. Easy to remember. I could picture the cheque.
This seemed to confuse them.
A few more entreaties were made. An additional publishing term or two. Alas, it was still all garbled. I pointed out that I could still not fully understand them.
I noted they made no counter-offer (not that it would have done any good). $100,000 SVP.
So, I was told to wait until I could speak with a supervisor.
The supervisor did not seem to have an individual office. Same garble and/or background noise.
How could he help?
$!00.000 please. I was tempted to add (and I’m all yours). But I did not (though surely it was implied).
The call ended.
Since there seemed to be no knowledge of traditional publishing (which is how my book is published) I assume this con is directed to Indie authors. Beware, y’alls.
DE
As far as I know, I clicked on a link to a site about Optical Illusions.
That froze my computer with a screen-sized warning, telling me that I had been hacked, and infected with a Trojan Horse Virus. The warning purported to be from Microsoft, and gave a phone number to call. There was no other avenue to follow, nothing to click on. I was also warned not to turn off the computer. But, with nothing else to do, I turned off the computer.
Two or three minutes later I turned the computer back on and the frozen screen was still there. Since I was not clicking anything on the screen (being unable to do so anyway), I called the number. I have since found out that 805 phone numbers are a favorite of scams.
At any rate, the situation on the other end of the call sounded exactly like the call centers which phone me for the usual scams. A jumble of background noises and voices that sound as if the people are in a huge warehouse. I questioned the authenticity of the situation with the speaker immediately. The proof he offered was for me to hang up and he would call right back. Which, of course, proved nothing.
So, after a couple of minutes of this, I hung up and I turned off the computer. I phoned my computer shop. I was told I was hacked and to bring in the machine.
And thus, three days later, I have a cleansed machine, information about hacks I did not know, and the news that even my computer expert has been hacked (once by going to a story in The Guardian Newspaper). He also told me that had I waited a day, the screen would have unfrozen on its own, but I would not know if something had been downloaded into my computer.
So, here I am, with everything seemingly fine.
But, in those three days with no internet access, I started reading novels again. I picked out two (yes, this is true) from one of those small “Free Library” box/houses where folk can drop off books they have read, and exchange – all free. I took a JohnleCarré novel (one of my favorite writers) which I probably read twenty years ago [Absolute Friends] and a Joanna Trollope novel, an author I have wanted to read for twenty years [Other People’s Children].
I have read 15 pages a day, of each one, since. I will continue after I post this.
Gotta say, it feels good to be back reading novels. And I will restrict my roaming time in the internet.
I’ll update this as I share it again.
With the ability to screen calls, I wonder that telemarketers still exist, let alone the scammers. But they do. I seem to be fortunate in that I don’t get many of these things. Obvious phone numbers, 888 and such, I ignore. But when there is the benefit of the doubt, and I can use a break, I answer.
So – yesterday – buddy with a thick accent immediately told me that Microsoft was monitoring my computer and that there was trouble and that I had better follow some instructions to fix it. Logic must go out the window for anyone to fall for this stuff. This is a popular scam and I’ve read about it enough. I immediately said: “You don’t have the power to monitor my computer.” But – and I think literally – I did not have the complete word “power” out of my mouth before buddy with a thick accent disconnected.
So – there it ended. I guess he didn’t have the time to play around like the guy in my original post.
DE
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I have a degree of sympathy for telemarketers. I spent a couple of months training to work in a call centre. I was mainly to deal with customer complaints. It was the least offensive such job I could find. It is true that with every answer I was supposed to get the customer to “upgrade” their services. But, in truth, I could just not remember all the stages I was supposed to go through, or keep track of all the various information tabs on my screen. I did not make it through ‘training’.
My modicum of sympathy, and not being totally sure when I first answered that it was a marketing call, made me embark on the following conversation. No, it is not verbatim (I didn’t record it for quality control). And it is condensed. I admit a certain fascination of just experiencing it kept me on the line. To anyone else without a writer’s perversion, do as I say and don’t do as I do. Hang up.
Telemarketer: “Hello.”
Me: “Hello.”
[long pause]
T: “Hello there.”
M: “Hello.” [another long pause] “Hello. How can I help you?”
T: “Help me?”
M: “Yes. What do you want?”
T: “Are you the Lord?”
M: “The Lord?”
T: “That you can help me.”
M: “Good Lord. What do you want?”
T: “I have the Lord. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”
M: “You make your Lord annoyed.”
T: “Ha ha ha ha ha lo lo lo lo lo lo moo moo moo.”
M: “You’re speechless.”
T: Moo moo moo moo maa maa maa.”
M: “You sound drunk.”
T: “I’ll put my dick on your ass.”
M: “What?”
T: “And show it to your wife.”
M: “It would give her a laugh.”
T: “And I’ll do your dog.”
M: “That’s fine. My dog bites.”
T: “Your wife will have a big smile.”
M: “What about my dog?”
T: “Lick a dick.”
[At this point I begin to feel I am as bad as him. I stop]
T: “Here is dick. Moo moo moo moo. Hello. Where’s the wife?”
[Silence]
T: “Hello Hello. Got my dick out.”
[Silence – though I still wonder where this might go. Then he starts talking to a voice I can’t hear]
T: “Sorry, Sir.”
T: “It’s a real call.”
T: “The number is …[my correct phone number]”
T: “He is [the wrong name]”
T: “I am calling [the correct city].”
T: “He lives at [the wrong address].”
T: “It is in [the correct country]“.
T: “I understand, Sir.”
T: “It is time.”
T: “No, Sir. You don’t have trouble.”
T: “Yes, Sir. I can do that.”
T: “I’ll phone back in fifteen minutes.”
[There are no further phone calls.]
DE
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