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drunk

The World’s Worst Bar

bar-neon-sign-4-3284-p
The World’s Worst Bar,
Absolutely
The worst,
In the world.
 
Indeed,
The whole world.
 
Indeed,
In all of
Christendom.
Which
Is more than the world,
If you are a believer
In The Christ,
And
Accept
He goes
Beyond the world.
 
The world’s worst bar
Smells of
Formaldehyde,
(and those are the pricey drinks).
 
And
You don’t really want
To know
What those
Snacks are
In those
Suspicious
Glass jars,
Particularly
The snacks
Floating in
Some sort of
Murky fluid.
 
Tasty – maybe –
But.
 
Highballs are kinda
Too high,
And martinis
Strep your throat.
 
And the wine
Well…
You would be
looking around,
Hoping to see Jesus,
Doing His thing
With
A bucket of
Water.
 
D.E. BA U.E
03092020

Telemarketer Tells Lies About My Computer

callcenter

I’ll update this as I share it again.

With the ability to screen calls, I wonder that telemarketers still exist, let alone the scammers. But they do. I seem to be fortunate in that I don’t get many of these things. Obvious phone numbers, 888 and such, I ignore. But when there is the benefit of the doubt, and I can use a break, I answer.

So – yesterday – buddy with a thick accent immediately told me that Microsoft was monitoring my computer and that there was trouble and that I had better follow some instructions to fix it. Logic must go out the window for anyone to fall for this stuff. This is a popular scam and I’ve read about it enough. I immediately said: “You don’t have the power to monitor my computer.” But – and I think literally – I did not have the complete word “power” out of my mouth before buddy with a thick accent disconnected.

So – there it ended. I guess he didn’t have the time to play around like the guy in my original post.

DE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a degree of sympathy for telemarketers. I spent a couple of months training to work in a call centre.  I was mainly to deal with customer complaints. It was the least offensive such job I could find. It is true that with every answer I was supposed to get the customer to “upgrade” their services. But, in truth, I could just not remember all the stages I was supposed to go through, or keep track of all the various information tabs on my screen. I did not make it through ‘training’.

My modicum of sympathy, and not being totally sure when I first answered that it was a marketing call, made me embark on the following conversation. No, it is not verbatim (I didn’t record it for quality control). And it is condensed. I admit a certain fascination of just experiencing it kept me on the line. To anyone else without a writer’s perversion, do as I say and don’t do as I do. Hang up.

Telemarketer: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello.”

[long pause]

T: “Hello there.”

M: “Hello.” [another long pause] “Hello. How can I help you?”

T: “Help me?”

M: “Yes. What do you want?”

T: “Are you the Lord?”

M: “The Lord?”

T: “That you can help me.”

M: “Good Lord. What do you want?”

T: “I have the Lord. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

M: “You make your Lord annoyed.”

T: “Ha ha ha ha ha lo lo lo lo lo lo moo moo moo.”

M: “You’re speechless.”

T: Moo moo moo moo maa maa maa.”

M: “You sound drunk.”

T: “I’ll put my dick on your ass.”

M: “What?”

T: “And show it to your wife.”

M: “It would give her a laugh.”

T: “And I’ll do your dog.”

M: “That’s fine. My dog bites.”

T: “Your wife will have a big smile.”

M: “What about my dog?”

T: “Lick a dick.”

[At this point I begin to feel I am as bad as him. I stop]

T: “Here is dick. Moo moo moo moo. Hello. Where’s the wife?”

[Silence]

T: “Hello Hello. Got my dick out.”

[Silence – though I still wonder where this might go. Then he starts talking to a voice I can’t hear]

T: “Sorry, Sir.”

T: “It’s a real call.”

T: “The number is …[my correct phone number]

T: “He is [the wrong name]

T: “I am calling [the correct city].”

T: “He lives at [the wrong address].”

T: “It is in [the correct country]“.

T: “I understand, Sir.”

T: “It is time.”

T: “No, Sir. You don’t have trouble.”

T: “Yes, Sir. I can do that.”

T: “I’ll phone back in fifteen minutes.”

[There are no further phone calls.]

DE

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Ihttp://www.humanewatch.org/images/uploads/CallCenter.jpg

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