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Trump And Kafka (and the silent President of Finland)Walk Into A Bar

franz-kafka-for-president
{I wrote this after Donald Trump was elected President of The United States of America. Many folk also looked at it after the glorious meeting in  Helsinki with Putin, Tzar of ALL The Russias. Now, the benighted President of Finland is in Washington, and shares a bizarre Press Conference with President Trump. A Kafkaesque Press Conference, one might say. So – play it again, Franz.} 
~ Frank. Welcome to your world.

~ Thanks, DT. I’ve been living it all my life.

~ I’ve taken some pages out of your books, Frank.

~ I did try to get them burned.

~ You didn’t try too hard.

~ Well – no.

~ You know – neither did I.

~ I know. They all ran to your tune.

~ They did.

~ You were the Pied Piper of Havoc.

~  Worked like a charm, Frank.

~ Yes, DT – yes, it did.

~ They thought I was a bug.

~ Yes.

~ But I turned them into bugs.

~That you did, DT. And turned them against each other.

~ Yes.

~ And stood back, and watched.

~ Pretty well.

~ To the victor goes the spoils.

~ I was astounded – believe me.

~ And they keep making the same mistakes.

~ I know, Frank.  I’d laugh if it wasn’t so funny.

~ The one-eyed man is King in the land of the Blind.

~ Yes, Frank – yes. But you know what?

~  What?

~ I’ve got great vision in both eyes.

[Image] https://sanatkaravani.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/franz-kafka-for-president.png

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Trump and Jesus Walk Into A Bar

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~ Was it in vain?

~ What?

~ That you took My name.

~ They crucify me like there’s no tomorrow.

~ There is no tomorrow.

~That’s OK for You to say.

~ I know.

~ But, down here, I don’t get a break.

~ Don’t you think there’s a reason for that?

~ You mean because they don’t understand me?

~ Perhaps more because they do.

~ Hey, I’m looking after Your country.

~ You have other sheep to tend to.

~ But I’m King of the World.

~ You have a big fall in front of you.

~ Oh, I’m protected. I have (haha) more money than God.

~ The eye of the needle is narrow indeed.

~ I’m no fool. I’ll get off and walk.

~ There is no one other to walk in your shoes.

~ You know, we even look alike.

 

[Image] media.washtimes.com.s3.amazonaws.com/media/image/2016/01/25/1_252016_b1-dela-trump-halo-8201.jpg

Trump And Putin Walk Into A Bar In Japan

trump-blasten-fake-news-vor-putin-bei-g-20-gipfel

~ Have you been drinking the vodka, Donald?

~ Why do you ask, Vlad?

~ Because you are acting like Russian.

~ You know what Ivanka told me?

~ Nyet

~ That I was Putin you in your place.

~ Maybe I’ll have other drink.

~ We all laughed, believe me.

~ A double, I think.

~ Even President Xi. I didn’t know a Chinaman laughed.

~ To hell with double. Leave the bottle.

~ You know what Ivanka said about Kim Jong-un?

~ Let me fill glass.

~ She said take a little walk in the DMZ.

~ Ivanka walks the wild side.

~Two countries, no waiting, she said.

~ Maybe she’d like to sell dresses in Russia.

~ She’ll sell you the best dresses, believe me.

~ Maybe some fur hats – made in Crimea.

~ You don’t want her starting a war, do you?

~ Donsky – you’re a funny man.

~ It’s where she gets it. Believe me.

[Image]http://mietspiegelnews.com//images/resize/100/656×400/haberler/2019/06/Trump-Blasten-fake-news-vor-Putin-bei-G-20-Gipfel.jpg

Nixon And Trump Walk Into A Bar

19nixon-01-nixon-videosixteenbyninejumbo1600

 

~ Mr. President.

~ President Tricky.

~You know I’m dead, right?

~I’m not one for details.

~It was details that did me in.

~I just dined with the Queen and was right jolly.

~So?

~So, I didn’t spill soup. I can handle details.

~You didn’t spill soup when we ate together, either.

~We had some good talks then – thanks.

~ You’re trying to replace me.

~ What?

~ In the affections of the American people.

~ Have you been drinking?

~ Fucking A about that. You are ruining my reputation.

~ I don’t even think about your reputation – believe me.

~ But you’re pulling a Nixon.

~ Not even close, Dick. May I call you Dick?

~ Sure, Donny. Is it true you don’t drink?

~ Not a drop.

~ Jesus – you do this stuff sober?

~ I’ve got the Will of the People and the Blessing of God.

~ God doesn’t give a shit.

~ I know that. And neither do the People.

~ They’ll take you down, Donny.

~ That was a big part of your problem, Dick.

~ What?

~ You cared what people thought of you.

~ They brought me down – the bastards.

~ Yeh – but you lived out your life OK.

~ Heh! I became an Elder Statesman.

~ And kept out of prison.

~ If I had sung, I would have brought down the whole corrupt Elite with me.

~ If I drank, I’d drink to that, Dick.

~ So, Donny, do you plan sticking around?

~ While I’m having fun – yeh.

Trump And Obama Walk Into A Bar

trump20obama20inauguration_1485481106491_8902915_ver1-0_1280_720

 

~ What’s your poison, Donald?

~ Before the election, I thought it was the USA – believe me.

~ And now?

~ It’s my own turncoats – and you.

~ That’s what happens when you bring rats aboard the Ship of State.

~ Now  Old Number 44 is using  a sword and stabbing me in the back.

~ Sword of Justice.

~ And you like to twist it.

~ Look at the Statue of Justice.

~ Isn’t she blindfolded?

~ Yeh – and keep your hands to yourself.

~ A man gets certain thoughts, sometimes.

~ A man keeps them as thoughts, Donald.

~ It is too much fun not to share.

~ You’re destroying yourself.

~ Tweet tweet tweet, Barack-Oh.

~ Silence is more than the Golden Arches, Donald.

~ God, I love me that Twitter.

~ It doesn’t do you much good.

~ I vent.

~ You’re out of control .

~ You think so?

~ Even your own people are cleaning up your mess.

~ Yeh, Barack-Oh. That keeps them busy.

~ That’s what you want?

~ Hop hop hopping around at my whim? Yes.

~ How long do you think you can keep them distracted?

~ Oh, I see a second term with my name on it.

 

Trump And Twitter Walk Into A Bar

twitter-company-statistics
~ 100 days @realDonaldTrump. Congratulations! What can I get you?

~ There’s nothing like a shot of tequila – believe me.

~ No sooner said than done.

~ Have them leave the bottle. We’ll be here awhile.

~ We will?

~ Yes. I do like Twitter.

~ It’s appreciated.

~ Short and sweet. If you can’t say it in a few words …

~ It isn’t worth saying?

~ You GOT it. I knew I liked this place.

~ The fewer the better.

~ I’ll tell you something about politicians.

~ Yes?

~ They love using a lot of words.

~ I know it.

~ They use words to hide things, not to tell things.

~ If you can’t say it in three sentences …

~Then why use four.

~ Politicians use a swamp of words.

~ And I’m draining the SWAMP.

~ Well, maybe not quite yet.

~ Trust me – I never knew there would be so much of it.

~ There’s no way of bombing it?

~ Not when I’m living there. AND I’m STILL living there.

~ Yes, indeed.

~There was talk of IMPEACHING my ass.

~ Wasn’t that the fake news?

~ And the real NEWS, too. SOBs

~ Guess you fooled them.

~ Part of the job of doing business.

~ So maybe we’ll drink about the next 100 days.

~ Hell if I know what’s going to happen.

Obama And Joe Walk Into A Bar To Ponder

bar-e1455884974812

~ What’s your poison, Joe?

~ A Moscow Mule.

~ Since when are you a vodka man?

~ Just trying to fit in with the 46th.

~ Joe!

~ Make him feel at home.

~ That is so not-politically correct in so many ways.

~ Neither is he.

~ Point taken, Joe.

~ Did you just say Putin, Boss?

~ Joe!

~ So, I’ve gone around the mansion.

~ Joe.

~ And I’ve put red stickers on the art work.

~ What?

~ Like they’re sold.

~ Are you messing with him again?

~ Yeh.

~ Joe.

~ But I’m being subliminal as hell.

~ What do you mean?

~ The stickers are really little red squares.

~ What the –

~ He’s going to be on the hot line faster than a goose to the bathroom.

~ Joe.

~ That’s politically correct, isn’t it?

~ Are you shittin’ me, Joe?

~ Boss!

DE

(image)http://i0.wp.com/b-live.in/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/bar-e1455884974812.jpg?resize=350%2C200

Hillary And Trump Walk Into A Bar ~ The Election Closes In

lafnqroz

[It is the countdown, folks – so count along.]

~ What’s your poison, Donald?

~ I know what your poison is, Hillary.

~ What’s that?

~ You drink the Kool-Aid.

~ You’re the one who mixes it, Donald. I don’t touch the stuff.

~ It makes you nasty.

~ I’m starting to think you have a fixation on nasty women.

~ I like women.

~ You like to do things to women, Donald. It’s a big difference.

~ They love it.

~ They’d love to let you know how much they love it – I’ll grant you that.

~ So, you get all the women beating up on me, you think it will make you win?

~ A lot more than that is going to make me win.

~ What’s that?

~ You, Donald. You being you. Really, all I have to do is stand there and be superior.

~ They love what I say – the people you help crush. They just love it. Believe me.

~ They love it, Donald.  They love hearing it. But they look at you and they see something they don’t want.

~ What?

~ They don’t want a president who will take them down with him. That’s self-preservation, Donald. Something you’re good at.

~ There’s nothing wrong with looking out after yourself.

~ There’s something wrong about only looking after yourself.

~ You’re kinda hawt when you’re a know-it-all. We could have been quite a team. Taken over the country.

~ Team?

~ You know – married.  I would have got you out of that pantsuit.

~ We would have to get something more than a marriage certificate.

~ What?

~ A murder/suicide pact.

DE

(image)http://www.madhyamam.com/en/sites/default/files/lafnqroz.jpg

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