What it is now:
THERE WAS A TIME, OH PILGRIM, WHEN THE STONES WERE NOT SO SMOOTH
THE END
26 03 2022
566pp 165,669 words
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
What is was earlier this year:
THERE WAS A TIME, OH PILGRIM, WHEN THE STONES WERE NOT SO SMOOTH
THE END
07 01 2022
595 pp. 174,838 words
I am about two thirds through editing my ‘five-years-to-write’ novel. It is called “There Was A Time, Oh Pilgrim, When The Stones Were Not So Smooth. I doubt I will get to keep my title.
I follow my characters, so I had no detailed plot. Thus, I can forget some of the details of something written two years ago.
Though editing brings most of it back.
And I might have known it at the time, but I am surprised that this particular chapter is a juncture to three major threads in the novel.
,
First, there are a number of different levels of the supernatural in the novel. They are distinct, and do not blend. In this chapter, three of these levels make an appearance.
Second, a major event from my main character’s childhood is revealed, explaining much of how she got to be the person she is.
And third, a decidedly unpleasant and mean character actually performs a positive deed.
That’s a lot of work for one chapter. I realized I had to make each of these threads stand out on their own. I remembered that I had worked and worked on it at the time, but not as successfully as I desired.
But this time.
My solution is to use number of three line paragraphs. Everything stands out. Nothing is cluttered
No confusion at all.
“I thought you would like it.” she said, a gift somehow made more important because it was not planned, an obvious display of spontaneity. A chance meeting in a store on a Saturday afternoon. “I’m leaving soon, in two weeks I’ll be in France.” Eyes taking in his every reaction, her voice tinged with reproach. “Do you like it?”
And of course he did, but there were too many memories laced with half smiles jamming into his head, not painful in themselves but adding now to finality. The party where he met her, surely that was just last week, at the most a month ago. Surely it did not stretch back to soft Autumn nights.
“well, here,” she writes something. “It’s for you, you know.” A look of puzzlement crosses her face as the gift changes hands, the too brief touch of her fingers. he clutches it carefully, looks back to her eyes and imagines he sees a twinge of that nonexistent past. or does she only reflect what is in his own face?
And then the kiss.
So unexpected that he almost jumps back.
The touch of lips and warm breath, the smell of fresh, soft hair against his cheek. His own mouth open in surprise, her farewell brush of lips turned partially into passion. And then she is out the door, onto the street, and he is standing by a counter feeling very old, his heart an icy moon of Jupiter.
Ah, Christiane. Salut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EDIT:
He is embarrassed by the first and aroused by the second.
“Do you like it?”
A gift made more important because of it’s spontaneity. A chance meeting in a store on a Saturday afternoon.
“I’m leaving soon. In two weeks I’ll be in France.”
Eyes take in his every reaction.
That party they met, surely it was just last week, Surely it did not stretch back to soft Autumn nights.
Then she is out the door.
He becomes very old, his heart an icy moon of Jupiter.
Ah, Christiane. Salut!
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